Okay so its been another 2 days of not updating. Sorry but sometimes i dont wanna do it everyday. Anyways, right now, i'm feeling down and out. Not because im sick which i am but its because people REALLY dont understand me. My friend or 'suppose' friend on Gaia is treating me like shit and saying i only care about myself. Now see, thats the problem right there. I DONT only care about myself. I care about other people too but i always close myself in so it MIGHT seem like i care about only me and me only.
My second problem is that everytime i try to open up, people push me away and yell at me. Its so confusing cause its like, when i close myself in, people complain of how i should open up more and when i do, they yell and act like a bitch to me so its all like: Wtf? Please choose. You always push me away when i open up but when im closed in, you complain. Right now, i'm not sure which side i should be anymore. I dont wanna be someone im not because i've been hiding myself for so long and i wanna open up but people always push me away.
This is why nobody understands me. This WORLD doesnt understand me. It makes me wanna fucking die already. Everybody would be better off if i wasnt around but by then, everybody would miss me im sure of it. So, do whatever. Shoot me down. Stab me. I dont care just stop acting like a fucking bitch to me. I dont deserve it and i dont care of how i push your buttons and piss you off cause you know what? You're making YOURSELF seem like the bad guy.
I always threaten to kill people who hurt me and hold grudges and this is one grudge im holding against most people. I am REALLY REALLY REALLY tired of this! I wanna cry but i cant. Nothing is gonna be solved by this. I really dont wanna deal with this anymore. I REALLY cant take it anymore. I wanna be myself but i cant so i have to 'pretend' and then when i pretend, people still get pissed at me. FUCK THE WORLD. I'm tired of fighting with people about me. If you really hate me that much, then why dont you just take my life? You'll be happier without me anyways.
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